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If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws. ~Author Unknown
Getting divorced just because you don’t love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor
I’ve sometimes thought of marrying, and then I’ve thought again. ~Noel Coward, 1956
Wasn’t marriage, like life, unstimulating and unprofitable and somewhat empty when too well ordered and protected and guarded. Wasn’t it finer, more splendid, more nourishing, when it was, like life itself, a mixture of the sordid and the magnificent; of mud and stars; of earth and flowers; of love and hate and laughter and tears and ugliness and beauty and hurt. ~Edna Ferber, Show Boat, 1926
“I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence? ~Author Unknown
Affairs are just as disillusioning as marriage, and much less restful. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966
Marriage is a lottery in which men stake their liberty and women their happiness. ~Virginie des Rieux, Epigrams
If I ever marry, it will be on a sudden impulse – as a man shoots himself. ~H.L. Mencken
My wife tells me she doesn’t care what I do when I’m away, as long as I’m not enjoying it. ~Lee Trevino
“What’s for dinner?” is the only question many husbands ask their wives, and the only one to which they care about the answer. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966
Hubert Humphrey talks so fast that listening to him is like trying to read Playboy magazine with your wife turning the pages. ~Barry Goldwater
People do not marry people, not real ones anyway; they marry what they think the person is; they marry illusions and images. The exciting adventure of marriage is finding out who the partner really is. ~James L. Framo, “Explorations in Marital & Family Therapy”
Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. ~H.L. Mencken
I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance, A church filled with family and friends. I asked him what kind of a wedding he wished for, He said one that would make me his wife. ~Author Unknown
No man expects a great deal from marriage. He is quite satisfied if his wife is a good cook, a good valet, an attentive audience, and a patient nurse. ~Author Unknown
I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. ~Lewis Grizzard
A woman who loves her husband is merely paying her bills. A woman who loves her lover gives alms to the poor. ~Paul-Jean Toulet
Love requires a willingness to die; marriage, a willingness to live. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966
We were happily married for eight months. Unfortunately, we were married for four and a half years. ~Nick Faldo
Men never know how tired they are till their wives sit them down for a nice long talk. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960
Originally marriage meant the sale of a woman by one man to another; now most women sell themselves though they have no intention of delivering the goods listed in the bill of sale. ~Robert Graves Why get married? For human beings, marriage is such an unnatural state. If you want monogamy, it has been said, you should marry a swan. ~Quentin Crisp, “The Art of Celibacy”
Marriage: A word which should be pronounced “mirage.” ~Herbert Spencer
God created sex. Priests created marriage. ~Voltaire
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. ~Henny Youngman
Marriage is a mistake every man should make. ~George Jessel
I guess walking slow getting married is because it gives you time to maybe change your mind. ~Virginia Cary Hudson, O Ye Jigs & Juleps, 1962 (Thank you, Charlene.)
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted. ~Helen Rowland
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them. ~Ogden Nash