Passionate love is an intense state of longing for union with another. It has three components: 1) cognitive – intrusive preoccupation with the person, idealization of that person, and desire to know the person; 2) Emotional – Attraction/Sexual attraction, positive and negative feelings, longing for reciprocity, desire for union, physiological arousal; and 3) Behavioral – Actions to determine the other’s feelings, studying the person, service to the person, maintaining physical closeness.
Companionate love is the affection that we feel for those with whom our lives are deeply intertwined.
The experience of love is a function of levels of intimacy, commitment and passion (Sternberg, 1988). In the Table below, for each type of love, a plus sign indicates the presense of each dimension of love, and a minus sign indicates that the dimension is not present.
Primary love styles: Eros – Love at first sight, based on physical attributes and is mostly physical arousal;
Storge – loving affection that develops over time, is primarily affection and commitment; Ludos– a rover and collector of loves, very pluralistic.
Secondary love styles:
Mania – intense preoccupation with the loved one, intensly jealous and possessive, in need of constant reassurance of partner’s love. Projects desired qualities on partner.
Pragma – looking for a compatible partner;
Agape – Selfless, caring without self interest
Behaviors are classified in terms of the functions they serve in facilitating reproduction. Four love tasks:
1) to attract a mate;
2) to retain the mate;
3) to reproduce; and
4) parental investment.
- want to be with the person
- free to talk about anything
- warm feelings
- accept the person the way they are
- think about the person all the time
- put the other first
- sexual passion
- concern for the person’s well being
- heart rate increases
- feel good about self
- have a lot in common
- miss the person when we’re apart
- feel relaxed with the person
- interest in the person
- physical attraction
- butterflies in stomach
- do things for the person
- the person is important
- positive outlook
- see only the person’s good qualities
- gazing at the other
- need each other
- sexual appeal
- wonderful feelings
- want the best for the person