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Friday, January 27, 2012

The Concept Of Love

We establish relationships with many different types of people. Our family members, neighbors, co-workers, friends, spouses, significant others, etc. We’ve been taught that the love is different depending on who we’re loving.
The emotion of love is the same regardless of who you feel it for. You want them to be happy, you accept them as they are, and you appreciate some aspect(s) about them. So if love is the same, why does it feel so different depending on who you love?
Love is an emotion that nearly everyone has experienced at some time in their life. One would think that with such a familiar concept, researchers would agree on what constitutes love and how to measure it. That has not been the case. Most research on love is based on a priori theoretical conceptualizations. It’s quite possible that if a researcher starts out by defining love and then develops a measure to quantify that conceptualization, the results would tend to reflect this process.
A romantic relationship is one where you have a deep feeling of connection to the other person. You accept them as they are, want them to feel good, and deeply appreciate who they are. They fit in with most of your preferences in a life partner, i.e.; personality, life goals, beliefs and value systems, etc. One of the ways you desire to express your love for them through your sexuality. Sex is the one key element that distinguishes a romantic relationship from all other types.
Passionate Love Vs Companionate Love
Passionate love is an intense state of longing for union with another. It has three components: 1) cognitive – intrusive preoccupation with the person, idealization of that person, and desire to know the person; 2) Emotional – Attraction/Sexual attraction, positive and negative feelings, longing for reciprocity, desire for union, physiological arousal; and 3) Behavioral – Actions to determine the other’s feelings, studying the person, service to the person, maintaining physical closeness. 
Companionate love is the affection that we feel for those with whom our lives are deeply intertwined.
Three Dimensional View Of Love 
The experience of love is a function of levels of intimacy, commitment and passion (Sternberg, 1988). In the Table below, for each type of love, a plus sign indicates the presense of each dimension of love, and a minus sign indicates that the dimension is not present.

Love Styles

Primary love styles: Eros – Love at first sight, based on physical attributes and is mostly physical arousal; 
 – loving affection that develops over time, is primarily affection and commitment; Ludos– a rover and collector of loves, very pluralistic.

Secondary love styles: 

 – intense preoccupation with the loved one, intensly jealous and possessive, in need of constant reassurance of partner’s love. Projects desired qualities on partner. 
Pragma – looking for a compatible partner; 
 – Selfless, caring without self interest
Love Acts 
Behaviors are classified in terms of the functions they serve in facilitating reproduction. Four love tasks:
1) to attract a mate;
2) to retain the mate;
3) to reproduce; and
4) parental investment.
Love Is
  1. caring
  2. happiness
  3. want to be with the person
  4. friendship
  5. free to talk about anything
  6. warm feelings
  7. accept the person the way they are
  8. trust
  9. commitment
  10. sharing
  11. think about the person all the time
  12. sacrifice
  13. understanding
  14. honesty
  15. respect
  16. contentment
  17. euphoria
  18. put the other first
  19. sexual passion
  20. supportive
  21. attachment
  22. closeness
  23. empathy
  24. concern for the person’s well being
  25. heart rate increases
  26. helping
  27. feel good about self
  28. forgiveness
  29. have a lot in common
  30. miss the person when we’re apart
  31. feel relaxed with the person
  32. giving
  33. liking
  34. security
  35. unconditional
  36. interest in the person
  37. intimacy
  38. laughing
  39. loyalty
  40. physical attraction
  41. uncertainty
  42. affection
  43. butterflies in stomach
  44. compassion
  45. dependency
  46. do things for the person
  47. excitement
  48. kind
  49. the person is important
  50. positive outlook
  51. responsibility
  52. see only the person’s good qualities
  53. touching
  54. devotion
  55. energy
  56. gazing at the other
  57. mutual
  58. need each other
  59. openness
  60. patience
  61. protective
  62. scary
  63. sexual appeal
  64. wonderful feelings
  65. admiration
  66. comfort
  67. want the best for the person
  68. long-lasting

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